thank you everyone for your kind remarks, it is very encouraging!
No Retreat No Surrender
JoinedPosts by No Retreat No Surrender
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36
New Member Story
by No Retreat No Surrender inwhen i found out "ttat" i felt like muhammad ali when joe frazer knocked him down in their first fight in the 15th round.
the ref came over grab my gloves and looked me in the eyes and asked me "are you ok, can you continue" and then gave me the standing 8 count.
no it didn't knock me out but it staggered me.
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36
New Member Story
by No Retreat No Surrender inwhen i found out "ttat" i felt like muhammad ali when joe frazer knocked him down in their first fight in the 15th round.
the ref came over grab my gloves and looked me in the eyes and asked me "are you ok, can you continue" and then gave me the standing 8 count.
no it didn't knock me out but it staggered me.
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No Retreat No Surrender
When I found out "TTAT" I felt like Muhammad Ali when Joe Frazer knocked him down in their first fight in the 15th round. The ref came over grab my gloves and looked me in the eyes and asked me "are you ok, can you continue" and then gave me the standing 8 count. No it didn't knock me out but it staggered me. I was 58 years old when I looked up from the pages of Crisis of Conscience and said to my wife (Aunt Fancy) "I am never going back"!
I was born and raised in the "truth" in San Antonio, Texas in 1954 and am 4th generation on my mothers side and 3rd on my fathers. My grandmothers were pioneers and my grandmother on my mothers side was of the "anointed" but with all of that my home was not a "spiritual" one, we did not go to meetings regularly because my parents had maritial problems because he cheated on my mom and they ended up divorced (thank you Tammy Wynette for helping me to remember how to spell DIVORCE) when I was 6 years old. This along with being in a cult caused me to grow up with anxiety and depression so I was always looking for things to make me happy, for example playing sports, music etc. I was determind to be happy. As Stewart Smally said "I also grew up in the great depression, my mom's". Since my mom was depressed and had to work hard to provide for my brother and me she was emotionally unavailable for us and we didn't go to meetings but, she would make the memorial and conventions.
Growing up for me was emotional tough, school was especially hard because of being a "Witness". My mom would go to the first day of school every year and tell my teachers all of the stuff I couldn't do (that I really wanted to do). Also my brother (who was 6 years older) got in to trouble a lot in school. The teachers would say "Your David's brother"!?! as if to say "oh no here we go again", so I felt like I had two strikes against me. I think that is where my being late for everything came from beacuse if you are late for school you don't have the teacher and students look at you like you have three heads while they say the Pledge of Allegiance and you don't!
I am not sure but maybe because I didn't feel accepted at school I was drawn back to the meetings where the kids understood me because they had to go through the same thing. I was befriended by the CO and his family (they had a son my age and we became best friends and still are today) and I would ride my bike to the KH and he would take me home by putting my bike in the trunk of his Cadillac.
This eventually led me to get baptized at 17 years of age and a conscientious objector at 18. I knew if I pioneered I could get out of going to prision if my number was picked (in 1972 the Vietnam War was going on and the US had a draft by lottery and if your number or birthday was picked you could be called up for duty to the military) but I HATED service so much I took my chance that my number wouldn't be picked and it wasn't!
I was married in 1973 (wanted to have sex before I was destroyed in 1975) and was made a ministerial servant the first year of the new arrangement of elders and ministerial servants. I got removed for partying at the DC (probably because my age group was so happy 1975 didn't happen and we were still alive). I got divorced (thanks again Tammy) and disfellowshipped (someone needs to write a song so we don't forget how to spell that one) just like most of those in my age group and I met my wife of 32 years and step son (I love both of them dearly).
Before we were married I told her I was one of Jehovah's Witness and disfellowshipped. She said because those people treated me that way they were no friends of hers. Of course I said she was talking about my friends and it was my fault I was disfellowshipped. Because I had disfellowshipped friends we hung together and the wife of my best friend would witness to my wife. She went to two witness weddings and they love bombed her! She then asked me if I wanted to go back to meeting and get reinstated, I said I thought I would because it was "the truth" (I really believed this sh*t and the idea that only and a**hole would not help people to gain "everlasting life") even though I hated being a JW it kept me coming back for more and kept me in until I was 58.
We moved away from San Antonio, Texas because of work and they made me an elder in our new congregation. I went to Bethel and worked, auxiliary pioneered, went to an island and built a misionary/KH/AH and was on the local and regional building committees. Because of this I was well known and looked up to. Even though I never felt good enough, their bullsh*t really works.
Eventually I stepped down because I couldn't take it anymore and quit going to meetings for 2 years. I was depressed and didn't know why, I thought it was because I left Jehovah so I went back. In all of this my wife suffered immensely. When she started talking about killing herself I told her we have to get professional help. She also had been reading books and watching shows about the Amish, Scientologist, FDLS and North Korea which lead her to reading books about the Witnesses.
In therapy she told the therapist that she had a problem with her religion, that shocked me because you weren't suppose to say that outloud! She got the courrage (and she has a lot of that) to start talking to me about it even though she knew it might pull us apart as it has so many others. One day we were talking about it, and of course I started defending the witnesses, and she said "that's exactly what they (you guys, LOL) said you would say"! The type of personality I have it was the perfect thing to say to me. I held out my hand and said "give me the book (Crisis of Conscience).
We are back to where we started, after reading about Millawa and Mexico I said "I am never going back", I will not condone murder. The same thing that kept me coming back all those years now keeps me away, the principels I live by. My principels have not changed just the information, like Jim Cramer says on Mad Money, "when the facts change his position changes and if you don't get on board quickly you lose big" (I understand that everyones situation is different and I do not judge those that are still in, this is just how I feel).
In the last two years I have read many books, talked to my mom, many frends, relatives, my bible studies and made peace with my step son and daughter in law. I have reconnected with friends and relatives and made many new friends. I still struggle with the faith/hope and god/no god thing but like Muhammd Ali I want a rematch, I want another shot at life! With the help of my loving wife I know I can win, so I am not taking off the gloves but putting them back on and I will fight to help any and all who are contending with this evil cult.